Narcissists make the worst neighbors when they have decided to start a vendetta against you. You may have done nothing, and there is nothing that you can say to convince them to stop tormenting you. Here is how you deal with a narcissistic neighbor who stalks you.
The most important thing is to not let the narcissist’s stalking behavior provoke you. Respond to each situation as politely and mature as possible. Put in place common sense barriers to discourage their activities. Overall, document or record their behavior and seek legal help when necessary.
Exactly how do you do this? Read on for the definitive guide to dealing with a narcissistic neighbor.
How to Handle a Narcissist Neighbor
Dealing with a narcissist neighbor is an art, because if you handle it the wrong way things can get much worse. Narcissists thrive off drama, and are most likely provoking you just for the fun of seeing you squirm. The more excitement you give them, the harder it will be to get them to stop messing with you.
Don’t Let Their Provocations Get the Better of You
Before you take any proactive steps, it is essential that you don’t show the narcissist that they are having an emotional affect on you. Any sign of anger will just egg on the narcissist, who is constantly looking for seems on your emotional armor where they can attack.
Here are some common sense suggestions to get this right —
- Maintain a neutral face and a detached but polite voice when talking with the narcissist
- If you can’t help but getting angry, send them a note instead
- Don’t do any clean up or fixing of their mess where they can see you, if possible, or only do so at night
- Avoid going out at times you might meet with the narcissist unexpectedly
- When they try to insult you, pretend you have no idea what they are talking about
I go in to much more depth on some of these methods here —
Discourage Them from Committing Further Offenses
Step two is to do what you can to make their attacks for difficult to accomplish. How you do this depends on what they are doing to you. But, in general you can —
- Put up locks, fences, barriers, hedges, etc to keep them away
- Curtains, trellises, plants, etc for privacy
- Move the thing they are attacking to another location
- Install lighting or visible cameras that might expose what they are doing
Anything you do, try to make it look natural and unrelated to what the narcissist is doing, as to avoid narcissistic retaliation.
Document & Be Ready to Call in the Law when You Are Ready
As attacks continue, work to build up your case against the narcissist. Narcissist are expert liars who are adept at twisting facts against you, recruiting third parties to lie for them (“flying monkeys”), and playing the victim.
Only call out the narcissist when you have irrefutable proof of their misbehavior.
“I then installed cameras and that caught her threatening me by showing herself slitting her throat. I also installed a recorder and got her screaming at me. I took all this to court and she made such a fool of herself in court with her lies, the judge yelled at her twice and gave me a harassment judgment against her and told her to move…”
Installing security cameras is often a good option, as video evidence is hard to refute. Support video evidence by writing down the exact days and times that their attacks happened, taking photos of the evidence, and getting signed statements from other neighbors who may have witnessed the events.
For legal purposes, it is important that you ask the narcissist to stop what they are doing at least once, if not on multiple occasions. Record where and when you do this, even if they deny having any knowledge of the event.
You may consider filing a police report or similar if laws in your area allow it. But, I would avoid this is it means that the narcissist is tipped off to the fact that you reported them by the police. Of course, if you need to file an insurance claim, filing a report may be unavoidable.
What to Expect from a Narcissistic Neighbor
Here are some common ways a narcissistic neighbor might try to attack you.
Narcissists are inventive and relentless with the multitude of forms of petty vandalism that they employ against their neighbors. One victim said,
“My neighbor has been attacking me for over 8 years… She put skunk spray in my air conditioning unit. She has gotten her friends to throw garbage, dog feces, cigarette butts, chemicals, etc in my yard.”
Other forms of vandalism employed by narcissist includes —-
- Knocking over trash cans
- Leaving trash in your yard
- Letting animals poop in your yard
- Shoving things in your door lock
Destruction of Property
Sometimes, a narcissist will resort to outright property destruction. Or, they may find people to do it for them —
"I had to build a block wall around my property. This did not stop her. To prove to me a wall was not going to stop her, she got her boyfriend to jump the 6′ wall and destroy all my patio furniture and TV.
Other examples include —
- Damaging vehicles
- Breaking windows
- Destroying outdoor furniture
- Pulling up or poisoning plants
- Chopping down trees
- Cutting cable, internet, or phone lines
Spying and Eavesdropping
The scariest form of the stalking narcissistic neighbor is when they try to spy on you and your family. Some things to watch out for include —
- Putting up cameras with views of your yard or in to your windows
- Listening to your cellphone calls or intercepting texts (this is possible and easy to do)
- Listening through encrypted baby monitors
- Intruding on your WiFi network
- Installing listening devices on your property
- Placing GPS trackers on your car
- Stalking you on social media
Most of these are difficult to detect, so be sure you employ proper safety practices proactively. Install and use shades or blinds. Use encrypted calling and messaging apps when possible. Don’t use encrypted baby monitors. Ensure your Wifi has a strong password and uses the strongest encryption method. Check your property for devices regularly. Turn on social media privacy features to the max, and refrain from posting personal content.