The Narcissist’s Prayer is a powerful message that exposes the mind of a narcissist in a clear and succinct way. Making the rounds frequently on forums and Facebook groups for victims of narcissist’s, this is the narcissist’s prayer and what it means.
“That didn’t happen.
And if it did, it wasn’t that bad.
And if it was, that’s not a big deal.
And if it is, that’s not my fault.
And if it was, I didn’t mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.”
What the Narcissist’s Prayer Means
Let’s go over the Narcissist’s Prayer on line at a time and see how it reflects on real relationships with a narcissist.
“That didn’t happen.”
A narcissist’s first impulse when they make a mistake is to refuse to acknowledge what they did wrong even happened. Instead they will —
- Project the fault on someone else
- Pretend like it wasn’t a big deal
- Make you feel crazy for noticing it
- Act like it was a good thing
Previously I wrote article about how to deal with this —
- Dealing with a Narcissist when They Pretend Nothing Happened ### “And if it did, it wasn’t that bad.”
When their utter denial fail’s to protect the narcissist from the fallout of their actions, they will go the route of pretending like you shouldn’t be as upset as you are.
They often say things like, “You wouldn’t have done better.” Or, “You are too sensitive.” All with the intention of making it seem you are crazy for reacting the way that you are.
More common catchphrases used by every narcissist here —
“And if it was, that’s not a big deal.”
Again, here the narcissist tries to minimize their responsibility. While they at this point are forced to acknowledge there was a mistake on their part, they are changing tactics to make you the focus rather than them.
You must be trying to punish them, to hurt them because you are making a big deal out of something so small and common, they say. If they can’t be the hero, then the narcissist will revert to the role of the victim and make you their oppressor.
“And if it is, that’s not my fault.”
Returning again to projection, the narcissist claims they have no fault because. Instead they transfer blame to someone else.
- “I was just following orders.”
- “If you had just … I wouldn’t have made this mistake!”
- “How could anybody do well when the system …”
- “You know how I was raised.”
Narcissists will do anything they can to avoid taking responsibility for their own mistakes.
“And if it was, I didn’t mean it.”
At this point everything is just a big misunderstanding. The narcissist will claim they were provoked. They were under stress. It wasn’t really what they wanted to have happen.
A narcissist will use any excuse in the book to shirk the consequences of their actions.
“And if I did, you deserved it.”
If all else fails, a narcissist will blame the victim. Reversing roles in their head, a narcissist will make you out to be so bad that anything they do to you is justified.
Reviews of the Prayer
“I came across this ‘prayer’ and cannot express how incredibly accurate the words are. For I moment I felt taken back to a time in my life that nothing made sense.”
“Proust wrote an entire book about how scent can take someone back to a moment better than any other of the five senses we have. This prayer I found, can provide a good argument otherwise.”
“Today marks 60 days of leaving him. It has been horrendous. The only way to describe it is that I feel like someone has ripped my heart in two and thrown salt inside and sewed my heart back into my chest”
“The pain of leaving him feels like an open wound and there are times that I can barely breath but here I am. Killing it. Knowing that each day of no contact is a step further from him and back to myself. I will never go back. No matter how horrible it feels to be without him I will keep this prayer close to me to remind me where I was.”
“The Narcissist’s Prayer (author unknown) beautifully illustrates the inner workings of the narcissistic mind. Denial, gaslighting, minimizing poor behavior, blame shifting and shame dumping all feature in this one simple verse, all hallmarks of covert emotional abuse. To a narcissist the ‘truth’ is not seen as a finite, fixed entity, but as being malleable - as being whatever the narcissist says it is, at the time they say it. The truth is simply whatever serves the narcissist at that particular time.”
- The Life Doctor .org