Do you love a narcissist, be wonder if what if what you are feeling is real or healthy? Narcissist can be extremely manipulative and are experts at confusing their victims, making it hard to know if it’s your fault or theirs. Here is what narcissism in relationships means for everyone involved.
A narcissist will never love you back, although they may show you affection, this is just a show. In a relationship, narcissists will constantly look for ways to control your actions, and weave a story around your life that benefits their ego. Narcissists also tend to break of relationships with very little warning.
If narcissism is present in your relationships, then it is almost always extremely destructive to everyone involved. In the rest of this article I’ll go over exactly what you can expect when you have a relationships with a narcissist.
A relationship with a narcissist can never be a truly fair and balanced one due to the nature of the narcissist’s perception of the world.
In the mind of the narcissist, the entire world should be centered around recognizing their delusions of grandeur. They have difficulty recognizing the feeling, needs, or self-esteem of others as a real phenomena.
This leads to the narcissist in a relationship constantly searching for ways to get the praise they believe they deserve, while deflecting any blame or blemish to their perfect image. To do this, they are willing to use any means necessary, no matter how unethical.
Common Themes in Narcissism Relationships
Narcissist will exhibit these types of behaviors in relationships —
- Hot and cold behavior
- Putting you up on a pedestal
- Lies and false backstories
- Spreading rumors about you to other people
- “Gaslighting” or convincing you that you are crazy
- Shunning you altogether
- Braining in third parties to back up their made up stories
- Selectively forgetting what you asked them to do
- Selectively forgetting their past transgressions and abuses
- Cutting you down in front of other people
- Accuse you of being an abuser
If you love a narcissist, it can take quite a while before you realize that they are doing this to you. Usually, if you love them and believe in their story, then you at some level accept that you might be partially at fault. Once you get sucked in to the way they think, it is hard to differentiate reality from their fantasy.
Should You Stay in a Narcissistic Relationship
I would caution you against staying in a relationship with a narcissist. While it may seem at times that they love you, usually this is just an act to manipulate you to stay with them. Narcissists use lovers and relationships to boost up their own ego / self worth, but are not committed to them in any deep emotional way. Once they have their fill, or find someone more interesting to them, they will move on.
It is not uncommon for narcissists to cheat on their spouses, and use the affair as a way of feeling superior. They love the feeling that they could drop someone who is committed to them at any time. They want to feel needed without needing themselves.
If you do break up with a narcissist, they will most likely do anything they can to keep you —
- Heap on praise and apologize
- Play the victim
- Point out how bad you will look if you leave
- Say that you misunderstood them and are acting crazy
- Start rumors with friends and family about you
- Bring in friends to tell you that you are wrong
- Tell you they love you and are committed to you
But, this is all just a way to avoid the ego loss that comes with getting dumped. It’s very common for a narcissist to pull every string they can to get you back, only to dump you the moment they feel like you would miss them when they left.
Getting Help with Narcissistic Relationships
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