For those of us that love a narcissist and want to keep them interested, you have to throw traditional notions about romantic love and bonding out the window. None of these work with a narcissist. Instead, this is how you make a narcissist obsessed with you.
Narcissists value you the most when they see you as a prize and unobtainable. They will be obsessed with getting you so long as they feel like doing so would be a massive win for them and boost their social status.
Here are four things you can do to make a narcissist obsessed with you.
Make Yourself the Prize
Narcissists value social status over anything else. To keep them interested in you, you will have to help fulfill this need for them. Otherwise, they will move on quickly to new targets.
Essentially, you will have to play the role of “trophy wife” or “trophy husband” for them. Be aware that this is your part of the bargain if you insist on remaining in a relationship with a narcissist.
How do you make yourself a prize in the eyes of a narcissist? Do the following —
- Take care of your appearance, looking as good or better than the narcissist
- Maintain a social circle of people that the narcissist respects
- Provide access to money or influence
Maintaining appearances is necessary to keeping a narcissist on the line, and slacking off in any regard will cause a narcissist to lose interest in you eventually. Ready to getaway? See: “How to Go No Contact with a Narcissist & Make It Out Alive”.
Give Them Tastes of the Reward
Play hot and cold with the narcissist. If you have been successful at making yourself the prize in their eyes, the narcissist will long for your approval and your affection.
They probably resort to “love bombing” you with endless affection is a way of getting what they want from you. Eventually, hoping to dominate and control you emotionally.
Don’t give them what they want all the time. Rather, maintain a level of indifference that is occasionally punctuated by love and affection. Likewise, be very careful of their advances, as narcissists are cunning and quite capable of breaking down your defenses over time.
Keep Up the Drama
** Narcissists live for drama and excitement** and will eventually stir up drama if the relationship gets too dull for them. This may mean looking outside the relationship for entertainment and eventually losing interest in you.
If you want to keep a narcissist obsessed with you, you are going to have to be the source of drama continually.
Show Them Your Independence
Lastly, to keep a narcissist interested, you have to avoid their traps, manipulations, and emotional games. If you fall prey to their efforts to reduce your independence, they will eventually devalue you and discard you.
Dealing with a narcissist effectively is a difficult task as they are relentless and skilled in dominating other people’s emotions. Some tips I have include —
- Make sure you control the narrative
- Watch out for lies and deceptions
- Maintain a healthy detachment and self-respect
I cover these techniques in more detail in the article linked below —
Ready to Get Out of a Narcissistic Relationship
If the above doesn’t sound exciting to you, it might be time to get out of the narcissistic relationship. We offer the following resources, courses, and one-on-one coaching opportunities for people dealing with narcissists in there lives —
Can a narcissist be obsessed with you?
Yes, narcissists are readily fixated by individuals they see as an unobtainable goal who would win them higher status by association. Their interest in you is still a form of self-obsession but project on to you.
How do you get a narcissist addicted to you?
Narcissists will be addicted to you if you give them a taste of what they want in terms of validation, social proof, and excitement, then take it away. Playing a game of giving and withholding — something many narcissists do with their victims — makes them addicted to you so long as you can keep up the delicate balance.